From Page D1
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct.23): ...sometimes you have to use a live chicken for the sacrifice to count as a full offering to the gods. You might want to look into it. The FEDS are on their way.
Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 21): I see some big things in your future. Big as in six foot six, brown hair, swinging a Louisville Slugger bat. You should probably pay Carl Brownski the money you owe him ASAP.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Dick Dastardly. You would win a race once in a while if you'd stop being dastardly all the time. Look, when you are in the lead at the final stretch and no one is nearby, it is not the time to pull over and commit some dastardly deed. You put the petal to the metal and finish the race, son. I'm starting to question your commitments. What is more important to you? Winning or being dastardly?
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You are doing just fine. I'm pretty sure Santa has fixed the typo and returned your name to the GOOD list.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): If you're thinking of stealing pic-a-nic baskets this summer, I wouldn't. A smarter-than-the-average-bear is serving a nickel in the joint for wrongful appropriation.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20): You have spent years looking for the seven million that Dutch Schultz hid somewhere in upstate New York. Now your search is over. The secret location is...[See SorryExcuseForACliffhanger, D7]
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